Yolanda the Panda

by Free Swim

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about

A Panda, a Willet and a slightly overbearing Englishman attempt to scale Mount Everest.

Written, performed and recorded by Paul Coltofeanu.

Artwork by Justin Owens.

freeswimswimfree@gmail.com

credits

released 28 March 2011

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Track Name: I Want to be a Mountaineer!
I want to feel some adrenaline
Running through my paws of boredom
I want to do something spectacular
That has a high risk of death

I wanna leave here, in the dead of night
Get on the internet and google search crazy sports
Right click on links, open in new tab
I want to get out of here I want to be a mountaineer!
Save to memory stick, oh my USB!
Safely remove hardware in the dead of night
Play some Tony Hawk, buy some rollerblades
I want to get out of here Yeah!

My keeper is into Sarah Palin
She’s doing a rally round here tonight
He’s left my cage unlocked, so I am out the door
Run as fast as I can to MISSION BAY PARK!
I met a willet bird who told me all about
Sir Edmund Hillary and what he did on Everest
I’m gonna go there with my digicam
Shoot some pictures and send them to all my hoes

I wanna leave here, in the dead of night
Get on the internet and google search crazy sports
Right click on links, open in new tab
I want to get out of here I want to be a mountaineer!
Save to memory stick, oh my USB!
Safely remove hardware in the dead of night
Play some Tony Hawk, buy some rollerblades
I want to get out of here I want to be a mountaineer! Yeah!

The Willet said to me, “we’ll conquer Everest, just you wait and see”
He had experience in building things with wood (like nests)
We’ll make a boat like no other animals could”

So we built a boat and set sail for the sea! The Willet and Me!
Track Name: Harmlessly English
The Willet sat up in the Crow’s Nest looking out, the skies were blue
The novelty it soon wore off and we got really quite bored
People romanticise sailing out to see on a voyage
But the reality is rather mundane trust me

But soon we spied a yacht on the waves
We sailed closer for something to do

There was a camp young man waving exuberantly
We went onboard he said his name was Michael Perham
To be honest I found him weird and overbearing
But he was harmlessly English and his heart was in the right place

He promised us he’d take us all the way to China
He had expensive navigation tools
We thought we might as well trust him
And before you could say Bamboo we were there!
Track Name: Swooping Swoopily like a Swooping Swooper
Hello it’s me again. If you downloaded the first Free Swim EP you’ll recognise me and yes I’ve been roped in again on this one.

Anyway, back to the story. On disembarking from the boat, Yolanda and the Willet were immediately taken into custody by the Chinese authorities. I don’t know if you’re aware of this but the Chinese government charges any country that loans one of it’s Pandas one million dollars a year for a minimum of 10 years. Also, if the Panda has a baby, that baby immediately becomes property of the Chinese Government. So the Chinese authorities planned to send Yolanda back to San Diego Zoo the following morning.

Yolanda, nothing rhymes with you except Rwanda
On another day we’d name you Amanda
But Yolanda sounds more Eastern European
Which is nice

But the Willet flew out of their prison cell and swooped swoopily like a swooping swooper through the forests of China calling to all other endangered species to help free Yolanda. Thousands of animals responded to her cries and helped Yolanda escape from the Chinese authorities, cross the border with Nepal and head towards Everest Base Camp. Bit of time to fill here. Diddly do. Job’s a goodun. I hope you're mother's well, I'll see you soon.

Yolanda, nothing rhymes with you except Rwanda
On another day we’d name you Amanda
But Yolanda sounds more Eastern European
Which is nice

Yolanda scaled the summit, reached her destiny and became the first Giant Panda to scale Mount Everest. When she returned to base camp she discovered that thanks to sponsorship from Michael Perham she was now free to return to Gansu Province to live with her parents.

The Willet flew back to San Diego.

Yolanda, nothing rhymes with you except Rwanda
On another day we’d name you Amanda
But Yolanda sounds more Eastern European
Which is nice

Right I’m off, see you on the next EP. My name’s Quirrence by the way. I’m studying for a PHD in Cartography and once guffed in front of Kerstin Duffy. Hurray!
Track Name: Scoring Bamboo Shoots
Back in the hills, you stumble and bumble for thrills
Scoring Bamboo shoots like they’re pills, pills

How can I sleep when I’m watching you stroll through the trees
Scoring Bamboo shoots as you please. As you please

As you please
Watching you play in the trees
Scoring Bamboo shoots in the breeze

How can I sleep when I’m watching you stroll through the trees
Scoring Bamboo shoots as you please
I’m in love with the scenes, watching you stroll through the breeze
Scoring Bamboo shoots as you please.