Dennis

by Free Swim

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    Includes Bonus Material: "The Smell of Pregnancy" Video

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about

A budding bromance is inadvertently derailed by an undeniably lovely girl called Sophie Buttercup.

Written, performed and recorded by Paul Coltofeanu.

Artwork by Ryan Say

freeswimswimfree@gmail.com

credits

released 20 February 2012

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Track Name: Oh Dennis
I want to get to know someone
Just got to get to know someone
Called Dennis, Oh Dennis

I’m not sure why but it could be cause
Your name’s derived from the God of Wine
Dionysus, Dionysus
That’s not to say our friendship would
Be based entirely on booze
Oh Dennis, Oh Dennis

Look - here he comes!

And sure enough it came to pass
I met you one day in the park
Playing tennis, Oh Dennis
We played three sets but we didn’t know
After which games we should change ends
Oh Dennis Oh Dennis

Look here, here you come
Look here, here you come

Look here, here we are
Look here, here we come
Look here, here we are
And off we go!

I want to get to know someone
Just got to get to know someone
Called Dennis, Oh Dennis
With Hopper, Quaid and Rodman too
We’ll have ourselves a Barbecue
Oh Dennis, Oh Dennis

I want to get to know someone
Just got to get to know someone
I want to get to know someone
Just got to get to know someone
Called Dennis
Track Name: Croydon Fernandes
STAY OUTTA TRUBS!

Let’s go!
Down to Gatwick, watching runways
Two pound fifty on the old Ten-P machines
Laugh at names like Croydon Fernandes
Kranz unt Voller from the Human Centipede
Geoff Capes, Ken Bates,
Taking time to tell the tales of Timbuktu
Hit some pubs, stay outta trubs
We never pull unless it’s an old ex-girlfriend

Air cello, oh hello
Play pencil piano over old Raspberries records
Listen to vinyl, from start to finish
Minus Tirith, we wrote to the FA
To announce our retirement from
International Football oh lord how our parents wept
When we told them we wrote to Morrisons
To complain about some shell in a Scotch Egg

Look here, here we come
Look here, here we come

That’s how it was for quite a while
Playing champ for 18 hours a day
Working part-time, drinking red wine
I swear to god everything was A OK
But then suddenly out of nowhere
I got a text from Dennis saying he
Had met a girl called Sophie Buttercup
And he said that he was so in love with her

Look here, here she comes
Look here, here she comes

I dropped my phone
Left all alone
In my home
All alone

Look here, here she comes
Look here, here she comes

Let’s go!
Down to Gatwick, watching runways
Two pound fifty on the old Ten-P machines
Laugh at names like Croydon Fernandes
Kranz unt Voller from the Human Centipede
Geoff Capes, Ken Bates,
Taking time to tell the tales of Timbuktu
Hit some pubs, stay outta trubs
We never pull unless it’s an old ex-girlfriend
Track Name: The Smell of Pregnancy
It’s just not the same
Watching dog fights online all on your own of a Sunday
No it’s not the same
Being too competitive when playing table tennis
Watching Jason Statham
Movies on your own is not quite as ironic
As when we watched them
Laughing outloud together eating a Vienetta

Even if when I
Met Sophie in our local for the first time I knew that
It was quite clear
She was undeniably lovely and very homely
I still miss the way
We would watch Master and Commander and roar a lot
Just promise you’ll always
Watch your Hornblower DVD once a year and think of me

At a loss without my friend Dennis I spiralled into a minor depression which I attempted to self-medicate by eating a chorizo and goats cheese omelette every morning. Periodically I would borrow my father’s Toyota Avensis and drive to a National Trust property whereupon I would find myself surrounded by even more young couples. The smell of pregnancy was genuinely over-powering.

But I met a man
Who can only be described as an alcohol-fuelled
Peter Pan. We filled a van with guitars and percussion and headed to obscure
German cities to perform. The trip reminded him of his friend’s mother who he
Described as looking like an angry German school boy who has been left out in the cold.
Track Name: Cycling Holidays in the Ardeche
A couple of years went by and one day I awoke
Put on my favourite jeans and then I had a smoke
My phone buzzed in my pocket I thought “fancy that”
Dennis wants to see me, says he wants to chat

It was good to see him, can’t deny I’d missed him
Glad I didn’t kiss him, but we hugged like men.

Good men.

Turns out he’d asked Sophie to man up and marry him
She’d wept and said yes and then he’d cooked her a roast din
I have to say that I was so pleased and amused
I was to be the best man, how could I refuse?

Can’t believe he’d asked me, and done it so nicely
Thought about the stag do, Prague would be the venue
Untold ladies dancing, then a spot of lancing
Lots of beards and roaring. Oh the bliss.

Hanging out again with Dennis.

Weddings. Children. Picnics. New Bathrooms.
Cycling holidays in the Ardeche. Birthdays. Christmas.

My speech went down a treat people physically laughed
The maid of honour even crept up and stole my heart
I asked her what her name was then got down on my knees
Cause she smiled and winked and said her name was Denise

I fell in love right there and glided round the dancefloor
Whispering in my ear she told me what to live for:
“Right here in the present there is no mistaking
Time is of the essence life is what you make it”

Right here in the present
There is no mistaking
Time is of the essence
Life is what you make it my friends